body, pleasure & sexuality

writings on being, on feeling, on living 

You’re Not Broken: Understanding Pain During Sex —

** This article focuses primarily on the anatomy of people with vulvas, though concepts are applicable to any body, gender or anatomy.

Many of us have been taught that one of the key components of a healthy relationship is a wildly passionate, constant, problem-free sex life.

Our culture is continuously silencing and stigmatizing sex, while simultaneously over-sexualizing all aspects of romantic relationships. No matter how healthy, stable, and pleasure-filled our relationships might be, often

The Tailored Dating Experience™️

Regardless of whether you prefer to use dating apps, or try your luck at meeting people IRL, the process of “dating” and getting to know people can be so activating and challenging in so many ways.

It often feels exhausting, because we’ve been told for so long that dating has to look a certain way. We’re taught that one gender or the other is supposed to be the one to ask the other out, that one gender or another has to be the one to text after a date, and if they don’t text within a certain ti

Stress In Space: How Our Environment Impacts Our Nervous System —

The good news is that we can use both our own bodily cues and our own physical spaces to support our journey. While we don’t have control over every space we find ourselves in, we do have control over some aspects of our environments. We can use what we’ve got and roll with it.

It would be naive of me to say that the key to regulating your nervous system is to always be in environments that support nervous system regulation when we need to regulate. This is simply unrealistic for many.

Primari

The Scientific Patriarchy And Its Influence On Our Bodies

**Disclaimer: I use the term “female” in reference to Lucy Cooke’s research in animal species because this is the terminology used in the book. I use “AFAB” to refer to humans with uteruses (Assigned Female At Birth) to maintain clarity in my discussions of anatomy. In no way does my terminology intend to link anatomy with gender in humans.

I shake my head as I sit down to write this article, because it’s 2024 and as a general population we still aren’t familiar with proper anatomical terms for

So, You’re Looking For a Third?

**For clarity, this article focuses on welcoming new partners into existing, established relationships between two or more people, regardless of gender, orientation, or what the relationship and/or sexual dynamics are. This is not to say I am only speaking of monogamous relationships, though this absolutely applies to monogamous couples. The concept of introducing a new person within an established multiple partner relationship is equally relevant to monogamous couples. Take what resonates for y

Beneath the Surface: Menstruation, Body Dysmorphia, and Inner Healing

Over the years I have learned to love my cyclical nature. While I was taught from pubescence that having a period is a hassle, and perhaps the worst part of being a person with a uterus, I have spent many years of my adult life working to develop a loving, compassionate relationship with my menstrual cycle. Most of the time, now, I actually really love feeling connected to my cycle and the many unique, yet unifying, experiences it brings me, both in connection to my own bo

Sex Toys And Relationships: Shopping Together

Once you’ve opened the floor to discuss how integrating new toys and products may feel for all partners involved, it can be a really connective next step to actually go shopping for sex toys together. Sometimes, it can be nice to keep things casual. Sex toy shopping can be as normalised as going to the grocery store together, where planning our next sexual experiences is made as casual as planning our next meal and choosing out all of the ingredients. However, it can also be nice to make a date

How To Talk Dirty: A Beginners Guide

Dirty talking is one of those funny things that many of us can usually access in a silly, joking way, but when it comes to implementing it when we’re actually trying to be sexy, we often have quite a hard time.

In the same way that it is quite common to dislike hearing a recording of our own voice, we struggle to take ourselves seriously when we try to muster up the courage to say those sexy things we have living in our heads, out loud.

Often, when it comes to dirty talking, our biggest fear i

Beginner’s Guide to Cock Rings For All Bodies

With a name like “cock ring,” you can pretty much guess what these little toys are designed for, and you wouldn’t be wrong. Cock rings may be created for use on a cock, but would you believe me if I say you really don’t need a cock to enjoy them?

If you ask me, cock rings are one of the most diverse sex toys on the market. They come in all different shapes, sizes, and functionalities, and they really can be used on all bodies, for all different types of sex.

Often when things are so literally

Sex Toys And Relationships: How To Initiate The Conversation

If you’ve never explored different pleasure products with a partner, it can feel quite difficult to introduce them into this part of your sex life for many reasons.

The sex toys we choose directly correlate to our sexual desires, interests, fantasies, kinks, and many other access points to our unique pleasure. They are truly so personal, so disclosing the products we like or are curious about to our partner(s) can feel quite vulnerable. Giving someone this window into our sexual bodies and who

On Making Mornings Sacred: How To Intentionally Stop Scrolling And Ritualize The Mundane

We all have some form of morning routine, whether intentional or unintentionally.

Some of us start our day by hitting snooze 17 times and letting out a couple of groans before planting our feet on the floor. Maybe you’re a roll out of bed, throw on some clothes, and head straight to work all within 15 minutes type of person, and if it works for you then hey, it works. That quick to be up and out the door lifestyle has never been for me.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved having lots of

Navigating Distance: The Big Learnings of the LDR

I am no stranger to an LDR (long distance relationship).

Over the years, based on various unique circumstances as well as being someone who has spent the majority of my 20’s moving around quite a bit, I have found myself in long distance relationships far more often than I would have chosen.

You meet someone, and then you have to follow-through with a commitment to something else, or they move, or you never lived in the same place to begin with, or any other infinite number of possibilities ca

When the Pussy Says No: On Vaginismus, Tension & Trauma

Quite often, when anything doesn’t work the way we want it to in relation to sex and our bodies, the first response we feel is an enormous amount of shame.

Whether it’s with a partner, solo, or even with a doctor, if there’s something we feel is unusual going on with our sexual body; our genitals and our ability to have the sex we feel we should be able to have, we immediately feel as though we are broken, in a different way than we do with any other part of our body.

If we sprain an ankle or

Sleepy Can Be Sexy: Sex Positions for Low Energy Days

It’s getting to be that time of year when everything feels like it slows down a little, including our bodies.

As the weather gets colder and the days get shorter, we often feel the high energy of high summer trickling away from us, to be replaced by slower, softer days of curling inward and nesting for winter to come.

While for many of us, we may feel like our most sexy selves during the spring and summer, when layers start to come off and energy rises all around us (in the same way that our f

Sharing is Caring: A Guide to Mutual Masturbation

It is quite common to feel a large gap between the pleasure we experience during sex with ourselves and the pleasure we experience during sex with others.

If we have developed a masturbation practice with ourselves at any point in our lives, no matter what that looks like, it is likely that we have gotten to know our own pleasure in an intimate way. Simply put, if you have spent time connecting to, and developing, your sexual relationship with yourself, it is likely that you know how to make yo

Let’s Talk Switching: Why I Can’t Always “Get There”

I’ve always identified as a sub.

Even from before I started having sex, I remember being turned on by submissiveness - or the idea of submissiveness, perhaps. I was, and still am, seduced by the idea of giving my body over to someone I trust. I find such tenderness in power play.

I remember watching my first porn, before I even knew what to search for, and always finding myself watching some sort of bondage, loving the idea of receiving orders and commands, of being a good little slut for my d

On Trauma and Mirrors: Confronting Our Reflections

"If you find yourself continuously triggered and in pain each time you look in the mirror, here’s a very simple suggestion: remove the mirrors."

Growing up as a dancer, I spent copious amounts of time in spaces with floor to ceiling mirrors lining the walls on a daily basis, surrounded by my peers, forced to be in continuous confrontation with my reflection through the tender days of adolescence and pubescent hormonal influx.

Born and raised as a girl, it is impossible to spend this much time

The Vulvar Revolution and The Gendering of Pleasure

It is so exciting to be able to say that we are currently in a time where I can open my Instagram feed and see an abundance of rich conversation on sexuality.

As a sexuality writer, podcaster, multidisciplinary artist and a frontline sexual assault response worker, I want to start this conversation off by stating that, while all of my work centralizes on an exploration of sexuality and sexual wellness advocacy, I am buoyed by generations of femmes and queer communities before me who tirelessly

Uncut : My Hour-Long Orgasm

It is very common during sex, especially hetero sex, that once one or both parties cum the sex is mutually understood to be over.

Pat on the back, wipe the hands, job well done, see ya later.

How often then does our pleasure actually get limited by our orgasm?

Sensuality and sexual wellness enthusiast that I am, I find it beautiful to see the growing normalization of discussion around pleasure-based sex – that is, sex that is not fixated on specific outcomes, like the orgasm, and is instead f

Back to the Basics: Consent is Embodied

What I’ve noticed across sexuality discourse/pleasure-focused media, and equally throughout general society and conversation, is that our world is becoming a much more sex positive place in many ways, and it’s beautiful to see this sexual renaissance happening in real time, to witness the unfurling of stigmatized pleasure and sexualities, to watch as humans of all identities begin to speak out on their experiences and strive toward building a more sexually well and educated culture. It truly is

Uncut : Self-Advocacy is Sexy

I'm 25. I've been sexually active for over ten years now and over this period my sexuality has fluctuated and changed almost as many times as my hairstyle. However, one thing remains certain; a decade into my sexual journey, I can assure you that if I had known much earlier that my role didn't always have to be the pleaser and the receiver, my sexual history would look a lot different.

I was born and raised very much a "girl." When I first became sexually active, I was an intimidated, shy, and
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