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body, pleasure & sexuality

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Here's what's missing in the consent conversation | Sexfluent

But even if we know what consent is, it’s still pretty common for our understanding to stay in our heads, rather than in our bodies.A lot of the time, consent is taught as something we talk about. One person asks for something, the other says yes or no, and that’s it. We’ve had the conversation, and we move on to whatever’s next.It’s also something we feel in our bodies. It’s a full-body experience—something that goes way beyond just saying yes or no. When we only think about consent in a mental...
Good Vibes Clinic •

Your Breath Is Your Best Sex Toy, Here’s Why

Sometimes I feel like a broken record with clients for how often I find myself discussing the usefulness of the breath. It’s one of those things that we all already know on some level, and yet rarely do we actually stop and breathe when it could be incredibly useful to us in life, and in sex. It sounds obvious, “take a deep breath,” when we’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, rushed or frustrated, and yet, how often do you actually do this in a day? How often during sex do you take the time to inte...
Good Vibes Clinic •

How to Balance Effort and Ease in Therapy for Sustainable, Real Change — Good Vibes Clinic

Many of us have a strained relationship with effort and ease. We long for ease — we crave rest, spaciousness, and relief — and often structure our lives around the hope that it will come after we’ve done enough. Ease becomes the light at the end of the tunnel: the reward for hard work, the promise that keeps us going. And yet, we often find ourselves stuck in a relentless state of exertion. No matter how much we push, ease seems to remain just out of reach — because there’s always something more...
Sexfluent CANFAR •

What can diversity in porn teach you about yourself? | Sexfluent

When we’re looking toward Ethical Porn, we’re able to see a lot more diversity across all areas—from the genders and bodies we’re seeing on screen to the camera angles and actual directors, as well as the types of content we’re seeing. If you’re just using porn to get the job done, and not feeling great about using it either, you’re far less likely to spend time actually getting curious about what types of porn do what to your body, and what it is you’re seeing that is actually turning you on. I...
Sexfluent CANFAR •

What can you learn from watching ethical porn? | Sexfluent

Porn has a very specific place in most of our lives: we watch it solo for the purpose of masturbation, and then once we’ve gotten where we wanted to go, we close all tabs and delete all search history and leave no trace of what we were watching for anyone to find.‍‍Most of us have a couple key search terms we use the majority of the time when accessing porn as well, and these are usually the things we know will do the job for us, our tried and true porn go-to’s.Because of this, it often means we...
Sexfluent CANFAR •

4 Ways to Strengthen Body Literacy | Sexfluent

If you read our previous blog on “What Is Body Literacy”  you’re probably thinking, “Okay, great, I’m down to get to know my body better, but how the heck do I do it?”If we use small, simple body-based practices throughout our day more often, when it comes to sex and intimacy, we’ll already have developed some habits that strengthen our body-mind connection.Here are some practices for developing more body literacy in your existing daily routine:Whenever you have a moment in your day, whether fir...
Sexfluent CANFAR •

Don't Ghost Your Body: Listen to your Body Cues | Sexfluent

Body literacy is one of the oldest forms of human intelligence. We all know how to tell when we have to pee, when we’re hungry, when we’re thirsty, hot, cold, tired, relaxed. We all have some sense of what it’s like to receive a bodily cue and interpret its meaning.Many of us also know what it’s like to receive a cue from our body, perhaps that we’re hungry or tired, but rather than listen to that cue and giving our body what it needs, we ignore the information our body has given us and push thr...
Bonjibon •

Sensuality is for Men, Too

**Note to the reader: When I use the term “men” in this article, I am referring to cis-het, traditionally masculine men, though this conversation can apply to anyone struggling with their relationship to masculinity and the “Act Like A Man Box.”
Before we dive into the men of it all, let’s first take a moment to celebrate where we are. 
Women and queer people have been working their butts off for generations to get to where we are when it comes to sexual health and wellness accessibility. We’ve...
Good Vibes Clinic •

Rejection is Redirection: How to cope with rejection in dating — Good Vibes Clinic

If you think about every experience of rejection you’ve ever had when dating, and even every experience of rejection you’ve maybe had within relationships, it is always, always, some form of redirection toward an outcome that’s more aligned for you in some way. When we receive rejection, whether it be someone telling us they’re not interested in dating, someone ghosting us entirely, or even our long term partners telling us they’re not in the mood for sex, it is always possible to use this infor...
Momotaro Apotheca •

What’s The Magic Number? Let’s Talk About Sexual Frequency

By Taylor Neal
Almost every client I see in my sexology practice has some idea in their minds about how much sex is “normal” to be having when in a relationship, and it is often this magic number that causes us the most anxiety when we’re not meeting it consistently for some reason. 

It seems, on average, that most of us expect to be having sex 2-3 times per week if we’re in a relationship, and therefore if we’re having less sex than this in our relationship over a period of time, we start to f...
SEXFluent •

How To Find Your True Attraction | Sexfluent

If you read Part 1 of this blog post, we explored how mainstream media and the lack of queer relationship representation can impact the process of understanding your sexuality.In order to find our true attraction, and to keep finding it as we grow and evolve, we have to get clear on what the experience of attraction or desire actually feels like in our body. We can do this by having a regular Desire Check-In with ourselves, perhaps once a month or when we’re noticing new feels we’re trying to so...

Why Does My Sexual Attraction Keep Changing? | Sexfluent

A nice idea, because often, more often than you’d think, our experience of attraction (who and what we’re attracted to) is not this simple. Our experience of attraction is affected by many different external sources, such as the culture we grow up in, the religious landscape of our home and family, the media we consume, the friends we make, the political climate of the time, the type of education we’ve had access to, and many other things that shape how we see and experience ourselves throughout...
Sexfluent CANFAR •

Why Do I Have Better Sex With People I Don’t Like? (Part 2) | Sexfluent

This next part focuses on the experience of Overcoming Ambivalence, which is one of the Four Cornerstones Of Eroticism that contributes to confusing experiences of being turned on but also un-attracted or disliking the person or situation at hand. . The experience of ambivalence, of holding two or more contradicting feelings at once, can be confusing in any area of our lives, but when it comes to sex it can throw us off completely. Rom-coms love this cornerstone, because it’s something to be ove...
Good Vibes Clinic •

7 Essential Tips for Maintaining Vulvar Health

The hot weather and the holiday season is upon us! This time of year brings lots of excitement, social engagement, days filled with sunshine and laughter, and lots of decadent foods and drinks, in the place of our regular daily and weekly routines. What a beautiful thing it is, to indulge in the treats and quality time with loved ones we get to experience this time of year. But with so much excitement and disruption to our regular routines, it can be quite easy to become a bit lax around our se...
Sexfluent CANFAR •

Why Do I Have Better Sex With People I Don't Like? | Sexfluent

Surprisingly, this question comes up quite a bit for folks who are on a journey of exploring their sexuality.When we start to get curious about our past sexual experiences, we might start to notice patterns which can make us stop and question why we might be drawn to certain types of partners or certain types of sex. Of course, this largely has to do with how we experience sexual attraction and arousal. But when it comes to certain relationship dynamics, it can feel extremely confusing to notice...
Archer Magazine •

Solo sex in relationships: I am my primary partner

Whenever I’ve found myself in relationships, my solo sex life has always taken a drastic hit.
I would get so excited and wrapped up in my developing relationship(s) that all of my sexual energy and consideration would go towards another person. Essentially, my sexuality would become about them, their desires, their libido – how I could satisfy their needs.
I have a pretty high libido. I’m quite open-minded about trying new things or incorporating my partners’ desires, so I never thought of it as...
Good Vibes Clinic •

Context For Your Sensual Self

Context is one of the main topics that comes up in sex and relationship therapy, but what the heck does it mean and how to we use it to support our sex lives, and our desire, both solo and within our relationships?Context is a concept largely attributed to the work of sex educator and author, Emily Nagoski, which refers to the belief that how we show up to sex, and the environment in which we show up to sex, largely impacts our desire for, and enjoyment of, the sex we’re having, where and when w...
Good Vibes Clinic •

The Power Of Self-Seduction: The Cycle of Disconnection and How to Reclaim Your Pleasure — Good Vibes Clinic

When we think of our sexuality, we often think of it in relation to others.We think of how attractive we might appear to others, the people we might be attracted to, the ways we can seduce, or pleasure, or service, or provide for, other people, how we are seen and perceived by the world around us. Our understanding of, and experience of, our sexuality then, becomes largely contingent on the feedback we receive from the outside world; our sexual self and worth becoming rooted in bodies and experi...
Bonjibon •

What’s (Not) Up: Why You Might Be Struggling With Erections

One of the most common things people with penises come to sex therapy for is difficulty gaining and/or maintaining erections. 
Our first response to this is often to think there’s something on a physical or hormonal level that’s causing us to struggle with getting erections, and sometimes this is the case. Often however, erection issues can be caused by more psychological and/or relational factors that are creating a block when it comes to sex. 
What we see in the media in regards to penis-ownin...
tussle •

A Beginner's Guide to Butt Stuff

Written by Taylor Neal.
 
If you’re new to the world of butt stuff, booty play, or whatever language feels good for you to use for anal stimulation and/or sex, it can feel a little intimidating to know where to begin. 
 
Your booty hole has one of the highest concentrations of nerve endings in your entire body, and with this amount of nerve endings comes the potential for equally high levels of sensation, and therefore, high levels of pleasure. 
 
Of course, with this high concentration of nerve...
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